Everything you’re feeling is normal, it aches, it’s unfair and it’s so much harder than everyone says. Every time someone asks how you’re doing you don’t know how to answer because do they really care? Do you even want them to know? So you always say you’re good, because how can you tell someone that you are just trying to not to break down in public… Or how hard it has been to unlove him?
You try not to think about him every minute of every day, but it’s still impossible. Because random memories pop into your mind way too often. Whether because of a movie you saw together or a certain smell they all bring back good memories. Instead of all the bad ones you wish you were reminded of daily.
It would make it a little easier to stop unloving him if you could actually remind yourself of all the crap he put you through. All of the times he put you last and made you feel like you were always the problem. The times he pointed out your flaws in public and embarrassed you every chance he got. Every time he made you feel crazy, unloved, worthless… That’s what you want to remember, but why is that so hard?
It’s hard because you loved him. It’s hard because when you were in a relationship with him all you ever did was make excuses for his terrible behavior. Which made you, sadly, immune to it being as bad as it really was. By you not acknowledging how bad he was treating you, it started to become less and less of a big deal. Which in turn doesn’t make it easy to remember his faults.
Especially, because when you two were together all you tried to do was forget the bad and focus on the good. And now you’re stuck thinking the same way. But it’s not your fault. You really loved him. You did everything right in the relationship while he did everything wrong. You forgave him and you moved on, while he held grudges and wanted to use your mistakes against you.
The difference between you and him is you’re a good person while he isn’t. You made it a point to try and salvage a relationship and man, who didn’t deserve it, but you believe in love so that’s why you kept trying. You should be proud of yourself for trying to let him go. Not being hard on yourself because it’s not coming easy.
Just because you know he doesn’t deserve you or your time doesn’t mean unloving him is going to be easy. It just means you have a brain as well as a heart. There are so many people who forget that having a heart is a good thing.
So make sure you cry over him and your broken relationship. Make sure you talk about everything that happened until you can’t talk about it anymore. Do everything in your power to make yourself feel better because that’s how you’ll stop loving him.
It will come slowly at first, but one day you will realize you didn’t think about him at all. One day you will wake up and notice you didn’t have to cry yourself to sleep. And when those days come… Celebrate! Broken hearts are hard but it takes time to get over people no matter what they did to you.
It takes time for you to stop loving them and to move on which is completely human and normal. So before you start judging yourself for still loving him, remember it’s a process. It’s a process of finding yourself as well as your worth and one day you will realize it was all worth the pain.
Especially, because you will find someone so much better and so much more worthy of you!
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